Tuesday, June 28, 2005

when good things don't mean anything lately because...

i was stubborn.

now it feels like winter again. i need to open my mouth and catch some wisdom from falling snow. and hope that the birds are not thinking of doing what i think they will. there's too much bird sh*t in me lately that the thought of dropping a few more will hurt.

prick me little birds, i'd rather bleed.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:29 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Monday, June 27, 2005

waiting game

a song that i haven't heard in a long time...

Waiting Game by the Swing out Sister

I've spent too much time Waiting for you in vain

I can't hear your voice Although I call your name
I can't go on but I still hang on just the same
I've spent endless nights Crying you name out loud
But still remain Alone in an empty crowd
As time goes on I realize you'll never change
I say a prayer I count the hours I hear a voice but it's not yours
I count the score I can't go on playing the waiting game

If you should ever change your mind I'll be there just call my name
Until then I'll be playing the waiting game I've waited too long
Wishing my life away Convincing myself
Tomorrow you'd change your ways
I can't go on but I still hang on just the same
I say a prayer I count the hours I hear a voice but it's not yours
I count the score I can't go on playing the waiting game

All you left me with emptiness Now everyday seems the same
You've gone but I'm still playing the waiting game
If you should ever change your mindI'll be there just call my name
Until then I'll be playing the waiting game...

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:28 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

scientific names

all from memory....

onion: Allium cepa
mungbean sprouts: Vigna radiata
carrots: Daucus carota
beans: Phaseolus vulgaris
rice: Oryza sativa
green bell pepper: Capsicum annum
lychee: Litchi chinensis
beer yeast: Saccharomyces cerevisae
cigarette tobacco: Nicotiana tabacum
banyan: Ficus benjamina

crazy: me

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:15 AM 2 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

off to pele-mele

i am off today to pele-mele, a second hand shop in the city center selling old books, vintage and not so vintage cds and vinyls, as well as a lot of porn on the side (all straight though, what a lowdown!). i go there for the stillness that walls of books give me, the relaxing although pungent smell of old acid paper, and for the slouching but cute geeks in the shop that are quietly absorbed listening to a cd or browsing a book. the place has an old europe feel to it (read: shabby), heaven indeed!

and for a cheapskate like me living in an expensive city like brussels, the prices are affordable. i once bought a dvd concert of ani difranco for 10 euros (roughly 650 pesos) and isabel allende's daughter of fortune for 3 euros. i plan to buy that bill bryson book i've been saving for as well as get myself a cd of music from the early 90s. if only i have a turntable here like what we have back home in the philippines, i would have bought those manhattan transfer vinyls!

by the way, i rediscovered this website of a sarah mclachlan video. i used to visit it last january to while away time during the study period, hoping to save the video in my pc later. i forgot.


sunny day: isn't it a-ok?!
background music: mamas and papas live


a few hours later....

eureka! nothing really beats going to pele-mele. with just a little patience rummaging through the piles of books, cds and dvds that have been arranged in an order without the customer in mind, i got myself a bill bryson book and a d'sound cd!

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the book the lost continent should be a perfect introduction for me to mr. bryson. it was written in 1989, way before the fame and book awards he has now. i got interested in his work through alexie and because of his oft-quoted book entitled a short history of nearly everything. however, i never really got the opportunity to read any of his books. now's the perfect time since it's going to be a laid back summer for me.

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the d'sound cd is a rare find in brussels as they are not as known here as in the philippines. funny because this band is from norway, which is just a sleep on a flight away from this city. the cd i got is the doublehearted album with a different cover as the one posted here and contains 6 bonus tracks including my favorite tatooed on my mind.

so, tonight it's bill and d'sound who will be my bed fellows. looking forward to tomorrow...

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 12:40 PM 4 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

there, i said it.

i got myself the phone call that i wished for in my previous blog entry a few hours after i wrote it. roused up from sleep by the ringing of the phone, i opened my eyes thinking it was already a new day, until of course i realized that it was still 11 in the evening. i think i slept early at 9pm'ish.

and then before the call ended, i told him my anxieties. there, i said it. i don't know, i just felt like i needed to, and with him i can be very honest. most of the time brutally honest perhaps. on the other end of the line i heard assuring words telling me that there is nothing to be worried about. chill out was what he meant.

truth to tell there shouldn't be anything really. it's just me, myself and the rest of what's left of my (ir)rational being.

thanks man, it's cool.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:17 AM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

today is the longest day

summer begins today in the northern hemisphere and it is marked by the summer solstice where the sun is directly overhead the tropic of cancer. it is also the longest day of the year in the sense that the length of time elapsed between sunrise and sunset on this day is a maximum for the year.

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i welcome the summer by spending the whole day with a fellow filipino. we stayed in my room chatting about news from home as well as watching the movie "cutting edge". we left only to have lunch at the nearby school cafteria with other filipino friends. in this side of brussels, spending time with pinoys, a monicker we filipinos give to ourselves, is something i always look forward to for the unbridled laughter. in between, i did my laundry in my usual handwash manner. there is something about today that calls for washing clothes. it must be the heat. however, i am usually like this: i wash my clothes when i am inundated with anxiety. a friend of mine who studied psychology told me once that doing chores like laundering gives one a sense of achievement knowing that something can be accomplished in a short time, and in a way mellows down some of the pangs caused by anxiety. handwashing does that for me.

back to anxiety. i don't know really what has gotten into me lately. my exams are all done with and now i wait for my marks. i believe i have done well and raise my hopes high to just get this school year over and done with. after saying my goodbyes to my visiting friend later in the day, i still had time, so i went to the (in)famous laundromat that i usually go to wash my thick clothes and linens. there, while waiting for my laundry to dry, i psyched myself up: what am i anxious about?

could be the waiting, one for my marks, the other for something coming up as the weekend approaches. and another is a promised phone call.

today is the longest day of the year. it could even be the longest one in my life. in a bittersweet wish, i hope the sun sets soon. but then again, a little voice is whispering in my heart saying not yet until i get that call.



relaxing to: huwag na lang kaya by true faith
state of mind: crazier by the minute

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:35 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

no more teachers, no more books!


i'm done with the exams! yiheee!
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just waiting for results now...

it's gonna be all good!

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:45 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

and now for the late breaking news...

my thesis proposal has been evaluated by the head of the programme department and was sent in an email. the following are his comments (in verbatim):

1. Relevant subject; important issue in a (sustainable) development context.
2. Soundly thought proposal. Appropriate literature review. Good theoretical basis. Feasible approach.
3. Conclusion: A good proposal. Adjust minor points.


the minor points raised were so minor that the email sounded silly.

one less worry now. two more exams to go.

after all this is over, does anyone care to share a few rounds of beer?



in between my ears: toshi kubota
in between paper sheets: my head

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 6:09 PM 5 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

today i was allowed to whinge

after taking 4 exams in 3 days, i felt like i had to take a few hours off to rest my fried brain cells. sleep was not hard to come because in a few minutes i was in lala-land.

when i woke up from that nap, which was refreshing by the way, i saw that there was a missed call from him. in my mind i silently wished he calls soon. in a few minutes the phone rang again. wish granted, it was him.

he asked, "hello, how are you?"

i answer by ranting my stress off for almost half an hour.

i realized, however, that i was boring him and that it was unfair to him. so i apologized, i can't be cheery and sunny today. it's ok, he said, i am allowed to whinge.

whinge? i ask. what is to whinge?

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language (Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company) defines the word as

whinge (hwnj, wnj)
intr. verb. Chiefly British whinged, whing·ing, whing·es
To complain or protest, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.

oops. sorry, i did not mean too.



state of mind: still all over
state of heart: a-flutter
music: julia fordham

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:22 PM 3 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

information overload

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this is me now after all the studying this past two weeks.

i will walk tomorrow to my first exam to unload the information crammed in my being a day at a time until i'm back to my old self again.

i will be ok. trust me.


music in my room: candy's music compilation for me
state of mind: all over
state of heart: still beating

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 12:14 PM 3 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

i will

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concentrate.
focus.


background music: the best of sade

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 12:45 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

photo moment (for alexie...)

funny what memories a photo can bring. i got to see this picture only today and now i feel the exact emotions of that moment when the camera clicked.

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that's lea, alexie, me (in green, my fave color!) and ando. this was taken in the airport to see alexie off for home last month. my eyes were all puffy from crying that day.

god i miss alexie and her lovable girl attitude! from the first day that we met, it was as if we've known each other for so long. we have almost similar taste in music (sade, d'sound, brand new heavies, incognito), and share the same passion for being there for others. she's such a supergirl when it comes to helping people and seeing to it that they are a-ok. i should know because i have been a silent witness to the countless times she wears her supergirl cape here in brussels. she'll wear that cape with her sweetest smile and crack the most wholesome jokes i have ever heard in my life.

all the cloudy-then-sunny-back-to-cloudy days that i spent here in this cold city with this angel is a learning experience. she taught me to grab items with the "1" logo in gb because it's the best buy, or to go to this shop for this-or-that, while in the same breath she'll inspire me with thoughts from her dissertation or from bill bryson. she's also my french teacher (oui? cava. saging na cava.)

and before i forget, she knows all the bus stops and the nearest metro line to catch! this one should move on top of my list!

haay, that day i made her up for a dinner party was unforgettable!

did i say i miss her? oh, i wish my friend and her love ones the best of everything! as well as lots of luck with the new job and new coffeeshop!



background music: brand new heavies' brother sister
state of mind: don't disturb me, i'm studying

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:49 PM 2 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

i can't concentrate!

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:38 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

i almost used my light saber

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when people are inconsiderate, what do you do?

i pose this question to myself when at 12 midnight, the flat i'm living in got a rude buzz on the door. a guy was buzzing my flatmate's code, but my flatmate did not answer him. so this guy buzzed and buzzed until maybe someone opens the door. a stupid someone did. it was me.

i am never a confrontational person. i leave unruly acts like this to settle down by themselves, hoping that a little tinge of civility may come out eventually. but tonight i was so pissed off. this buzzing incident has happened more than once that it has become a rude habit. so when i opened the door, i forced a smile and i told the guy,

"it's 12 midnight. people are asleep at this time. this is not funny."

he shot back with a grin

"is that so?" and walked off towards his intended room.

i came back to my room seething. mad. in my rage, i thought i saw myself using my light saber to slash this smart-ass to smithereens! but of course i didn't.

said master yoda: ...anger leads to hatred and hatred is the path to the dark side. jedis don't fight evil with more evil.

lucky for him i just came in from watching episode III. if not, i could have done... well nothing!

he'll find his match soon.



music in my head: nothing
music tomorrow: d'sound from alexie! thanks girl :*

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:52 AM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

drama queen for a sec

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it's one of those days when i question myself about a lot of things. but mainly, those questions boil down to one major thing:

why do i feel alone?

i have friends and i love their company. and although i live far from my family, i am closer to them than ever before.

but still, this feeling of being alone swallows me up. not lonely, that's different. alone describes it well.

or solitude. it's more poetic.

James Howell puts it better when he said
"I am never less alone, than when I am alone."

maybe i reach that moment when relishing my being alone doesn't help me know myself any better. at times, i see myself better when i'm with others. for now, i feel like a man who carries a fire for everyone's warmth, yet i belong to no one.

soon the fire's glow will mellow. before the last ember dies out, i wish i will not be alone in the darkness.



state of mind: still soupy
state of heart: read above
music in my head: ebtg's old friends
music playing: chill-out groove UK

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:57 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

feels like home

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today's weather reminds me of home.

it's been raining since this morning and i keep my windows open to let the cold in. the gust of wind makes my curtains flap. i hope they'll rip off. it will break the monotony in my room.

i sit by the window and slowly eat lunch. chicken curry with rice. with my eyes closed, i take a spoon at a time, picturing myself as if i am in our dining table surrounded by my family.

i feel it. i smell it. it's like home.


mental status: soupy from all the studying
background music: enya

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 2:45 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

thank god it's friday (yeah!)

buuurrrppp! Image hosted by Photobucket.com excusez-moi...

that's for the wonderful lunch i had with caroline today in her veranda. the lunch was sumptuous and the chit-chat in between was heartwarming (wink-wink). thanks from the bottom of my bottomless stomach! and i haven't even mentioned the cheese raclette she prepared a week ago! whoa!

it was an impromptu invitation from caroline after i needed to see her to photocopy her ever-complete notes in class. the meal she prepared consisted of tomatoes with mozarella cheese and fresh basil leaves, stir-fried courgettes and aubergines, and bread topped with cottage cheese! for dessert we had fresh strawberries with whipped cream and tea! this girl is awesome, and one guy is so lucky to marry her one day.

to make the day more memorable, caroline and i got a 9 euro discount for the 200-plus pages we photocopied from the friendly owner of the le soir at the corner of the street! he even gave us an extra smile for the service! i just love it when people shine!

thanks girl for the lovely afternoon!

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and (yes there is another one!), on my way to the cinema (read last blog), i got to charm a cute random guy in the metro who followed me up the stairs. how's that for a friday?!

the sun really does wonders in this part of the globe...


still no call...hmm...



this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:44 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

my piece of heaven in brussels

i think i found a piece of my heaven in this city. heaven, as i define it in my own small, selfish and egoistic world, is where the cutest geeks hang out! and i found the place, thanks to ate lea and candy of course, in a little corner here in brussels.

the place is called musee du cinema, and tonight they showed one film no self-proclaimed film buff will dare not put down on his list of must-sees: my own private idaho (mopi).

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i am a fan of the works of gus van sant, but it is his new films that really appeal to me. my personal favorite is finding forrester, while i also enjoyed good will hunting and to die for. mopi was a-ok due in part to the consumed acting of river phoenix (bless his soul!) and no thanks to keanu reeves. maybe the film intended to use reeves' (in)animated acting to give the film that drunk-druggie edge (whatever that supposed to mean). but that edge was for the 1990s, and after seeing much (sometimes too much) movies branded as avant-this, noir-that, post-modern this, highly-acclaimed that, mopi no longer appealed to me as it could have if i haven't seen films with drug drunkies and sex in them such as joel schumacher's 8 mm, quentin tarantino's pulp fiction, or jose javier reyes' (from my country) "toro" (the bullfighter).

i enjoyed the movie though. and after discovering this place, i look forward to visit again (and again!) my piece of heaven here in brussels.


no calls from him today. hmm....

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:03 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.