Monday, July 11, 2005

let the foam spill

hell, i don't know what i am into. i enjoy the company and i look forward to the calls. but i sense my fears, coming, rising, and soon overflowing like the foam of newly poured beer in a scratched beer mug. but i say let the foam spill.

i am bound to get hurt. actually, i am a little bit pricked right now, somewhere, somehow. it's just that i am too stubborn to give in to it. i believe i am made of steel, first class stainless steel.

so i tell myself to hang on. everyday i psyche myself infront of the mirror: you ok marcky? yes i am is what i say. and then i start my grand soliloquy of irrational thoughts that stream with what-if's and why-not's. these thoughts fill my head until it hurts i couldn't sleep.

the other night that we were together i was shown something. i couldn't figure out why it was shown to me. i usually rack my head over something like this and all the time i get in trouble for believing that nothing is what it is; for me it's what it seems. despite this, i took it easy. it could be nothing.

that same night, after we touched, i couldn't sleep again. second time now that this happened. i jotted down a note and i hope i remember to read it from my mental pocket: bitiw na habang kaya pa.

not yet. i still have some beer. let the foam spill.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:24 AM if you can't live with it, he can.

2 Comments

  1. Blogger Cecilia posted at 1:33 PM  
    The real question is: Is it Worth It?

    If one truly cared for you deeply, you shouldn't even be subject to this kind of mental and emotional torture.

    Bitiw NA habang kaya pa. Marami pa diyan. Kahit wala pa, darating at darating din siya.

    Nasa sa iyo na ito. YOU know the answer to this.

    I love you, Marcky. STRENGTH.
  2. Blogger alette posted at 7:46 PM  
    enjoy the offerings of life
    while they're there
    enjoy the wonder that people are
    for what else are the options?
    real pain is not due to loss, but absence

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