cold feet
i don't know what got into me. cold feet? i don't know why. i just did.
i look forward to seeing him though, i really do. i wait for him to pop up, but when he's there, i hide. i start playing julia fordham, then changed it to massive attack's man next door when julia became too cheesy, lest i be miscontrued to send the wrong signal.
it's even harder now that i know his name. better that he stayed "isaywhatsup" because it's impersonal, easier to forget. but who can forget his antics? not me as only a few people can have this effect on me, really.
i light a sandalwood incense to relax. then back to my books, they provide a safer haven.
oh, i hear my older brothers teasing me from memory: "what a big sissy!"
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 1:34 AM
if you can't live with it, he can.
let it snow
i came in from a very long day. i just couldn't believe that i got the most there's-nothing-we-can-do-about-it replies ever in my life until today.
when i thought that this is one of those days, i looked out my window and saw snow falling from the sky. no wind to disturb their natural rhythm as they danced in mid air, falling randomly and gracefully. amazed, i came closer to the window. a big sigh came out of me deep from the source of my sadness. i opened the window and let out one more sigh, this time harder to disturb the falling snow. there was no effect.
in the greater scheme of things, i continue to find the wisdom to learn to accept the things i can't control.
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 4:09 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
almost there.
ok, i have been writing about my feeling low lately that i did not even noticed everyone around is trying to lift my sprits.
my friends back home in the philippines came together to party and went online with webcam and voice chat, the works you know! and here i was thousands of miles away singing and playing the guitar for them like i was there. seeing their faces were like hot choco on a cold day!
last night, i was with fellow students eating pita and just enjoying each other's company. we talked about love and life and everything in between! background song: only love is the real thing, everything else is illusion (carol king).
the other day, a good friend sent a link to a file that contained all the mass songs i used to sing as a virgin choir boy. i played the guitar and sang to my heart's content! i had to stop because my throat ached from singing and my hands cramped from playing the guitar. oh, how i missed these songs, so powerful indeed!
just before writing this entry, a friend sent a wonderful email about his relationship. i was so touched i got misty-eyed as he surprised me with his thoughts about how love conquers all! way to go man!
and then it snowed! even mother nature wanted to make me feel good.
i am coming out of this slump very soon. thanks to you guys!
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:00 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
"untitled" (like my current state of mind)
the other day i couldn't get a refund for something i know i legally could.
the following day i learned my class schedule was a mess and i couldn't do anything about it.
the day after that, i caught myself crying while having my breakfast.
i couldn't sleep well. in class, i felt nauseated and had to ran to the WC a couple of times.
my mind's a mess.
and i yak about my state of mind to friends (because misery loves company). i should spare them, i know.
what have i turned to? i am not usually like this.
wah!
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 12:11 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
this is for my dear friend
A is my dear friend. we've shared more than good laughs and good times together.
today i'm happy for her! A has found an organ donor and she feels God's blessings. as i have always been fascinated with second chances, this one she tells me is a lot than that. it's finding a positive organ match when others take years (and lots of wasted money) finding one. it's enjoying the company of a doctor she met while in therapy. it's knowing that everyone of her love ones are rallying for her immediate recovery. it's finding God in the smallest details of life. it's about living again!
i love A. from the bottom of my heart. her infectious laughter and beauty are those that i miss here in cold brussels. i have never seen anyone living life to the fullest, leaving behind the worries that mortality brings. she is a fighter, my source of inspiration when at times i whine about the most mundane instances like missing my bus or when i feel like not finding myself in this world.
today i am depressed. almost even on the verge of giving up on people. but she pops with this good news and i get back on my feet. life is good i know, and it is even much better because of her.
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:17 AM
if you can't live with it, he can.
i met a real astronaut!
everyday i learn to love brussels.
the city's not as awe-inspiring as paris, or as lively as madrid, or even as colorful as barcelona. but it has a charm of its own that's not skin deep. one just needs to scratch the surface with a little more effort. every time i try to get out and discover the city that adopted me, it never fails to surprise me. believe me, brussels is beyond beers and fries.
just like today, i went to see the space and earth exhibit and met a real astronaut! can you believe it? even i can't until i had shaken his hand. yup, a real live astronaut who has been to outer space and back. the odds for me meeting one is like the philippines having snow!
it was my friend who saw him looking at the displays in the exhibit. she asked me "isn't he the guy in the poster?" i said "oh yeah" and in a dash i was introducing myself and asking for an autograph. little ol' smart ass me can only rack my brain with the most profound question for him:
"so, how is it now that your back on earth?"
hahaha! whatda?! it was like a pick up line! i could have followed it up with "your so cute, did you meet any hot aliens there?" and "did you put your bare hand out of the spaceship?" (note to self: marc, your not in a bar, your in a science museum!)
now i have an autographed postcard with his picture and my name on it! what a treat! i was a kid again!
i don't know about you, but i'm a sucker for these stuff. i'm such a geek.
PS>> here's the astronaut i met
http://www.esa.int/SPECIALS/Delta_Mission/SEMAWYGHZTD_0.html
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:39 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
i'm smitten kitten
you'll never know who you'll meet online. the usual pervs? of course, they're a staple. the smart-alecky kids and their bling bling? it's a given. but have you met someone so goffy and nice you can't seem to sign off and say goodbye?
i met mister funny guy last night while cruising YM's chatrooms. nothing was usual with the chat. not even the cordial ASLs and BRBs. i must admit though that we had a lot of LOLs! and before we can even say our GTGs, it took us almost forever.
we were just having fun. i was typing away, tapping the keys like crazy. and on the other side of the net, there he was goofing on his cam. that took my breath away. he said i gave positive vibe off the net. what?! i never knew something as impersonal as the web can be effective! well, i say he gave the funniest chat i ever had in cold brussels!
i can't wait to chat with him soon.
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:52 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
the dinner table has turned one tuesday morning
i was chatting with my mother in YM this morning. cool no?
she was updating me of things back home and how everyone is busy preparing for my older brother's wedding. and when you talk about weddings with mothers, my oh my, no details are left undescribed. from her dress to her hair and shoes and even her gift to the couple was amply narrated. i was surprised at my self for keeping up the conversation with her and was never bored nor bothered by her loquaciousness.
until (yes, until) she suddenly poured her heart out about being a mother and how she feels about one son leaving the family to marry. you know how mothers are when someone marries. once they're done with the necessities, they then continue with other mushy things like being not a good mother enough to us (when in fact she is! she is!) and how she has done everything but it seemed never enough. and even about how her offsprings are all hardheaded (i am an example!).
so on this fateful tuesday morning, the dinner table where she and my father used to lecture us about life (but never about the birds and the bees, it was the uncle's role, hehe) has turned. YM provided that. it was my turn at that moment to tell her about life and how to live it.
i told her to continue her passion for cooking and baking. i encouraged her to read good books and to enjoy my father's company by doing something together aside from you-know-what. i told her it is not about her. it is us her children and how we are individually unique (and hardheaded) that made us live life the way we want it. i then sent her kahlil's thoughts on children and parents
http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran4.htmlshe read it and said thanks from her heart, alternately laughing and having misty-eyes during our short chat.
oh, i miss my nanay and tatay.
have you thought about your parents today?
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:24 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
mister stiffo's in love
not me. it's mister stiffo.
mister stiffo is a friend i met here. he's my crush who's got a crush on miss somebody else. and miss somebody else is commited to mister significant other. go figure.
to complicate things, miss good friend is in love with stiffo. i should know, she told me. and (i guess!) miss good friend feels sad because mister stiffo said he can't fall for her. bluntly said it.
problem is mister stiffo (another guess!) is inside the closet. you know what i mean. which makes me wonder why he said he likes miss somebody else. which makes me say he's a stiffo.
it's not any of my business, i know. but these are the intricacies of people relationships that love brings. isn't it so nice to dissect? it made me think of how these souls celebrated yesterday's much abused heart holiday.
how did you celebrate yours?
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:08 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
hola españa!
travelling to spain was an experience i will never forget.
it was the company. i was with fellow students and a friend who all wanted a good time after the exams and living life in sun-deprived brussels. i didn't know i missed sunshine that much until i came to spain. i just soaked up the sun and the cool breeze of the place.
it was the people i met there. my eyes were dry after not blinking for hours. lovely people eveywhere. it probably caused my neck to strain. hahaha.
it was seeing picasso's guernica. and miro. and gaudi. magnificient works of art i have only seen in books.
it was the food and the beer. paella for dinner. san miguel beer every meal. can i ask for more?
it was watching the opera "carmen" done in flamenco style. my heart has never beaten that fast since watching charlize theron in "monster".
it was madrid, toledo and barcelona. ohlalala.
wish you were there with me.
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:51 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
i'm a geek. really.
where do geeks like me get our kick aside from burning the midnight oil studying? getting good grades, of course!
the exams last month was my first taste of the european style of academic assessment. imagine i had to wait for 4 months before taking an exam. the only exam that will determine my grade! and as a scholar, i have to maintain good ones, if not better. i definitely had to study piles of books and other reading materials to prepare myself for the battlefield.
in an equation, reviewing was:
sleepless nights studying + midnight snacks to rev up + boxes of marlboro gold to calm me
= bad skin
yeah, but whatever. i was so ready for the exams that my mood before an exam was always a holler of "let's bring it awnnn!" bad skin and all.
the results have been posted recently, and (ehemm...) i aced all of them, hehehe.
my oh my. my blog tonight is so self serving. forgive me, i'm a self-confessed geek.
proud and out.
this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:40 PM
if you can't live with it, he can.
