Tuesday, February 28, 2006

coping under a state of emergency

keeping up with news from home, let me tell you that the philippines is under a state of emergency. civil liberties have been suspended, anyone can be jailed for anything, the president is the almighty. like martial law.

i was stunned. for 4 seconds. max.

even friends and classmates here have been asking me about how things are over there. i assured them, these things are as common as dark skies and rain in belgium.

but when you live far from family and friends, you just have to know how they are coping. so i called them up last sunday.

(dialling HOME number; phone ringing)

me: hmmm..

(dialling NANAY's mobile number; phone ringing)

me:
...whatda?!

(dialling TATAY's mobile number; phone ringing)

me:
oh no...

(dialling SISTER's mobile number; phone ringing)

me: huh? where are they?

(dialling BROTHER's mobile number; phone ringing)

me: oh my...

(dialling BROTHER's WIFE's mobile number)

brother's wife: hello? who's this?

me: it's marc! how are you!

brother's wife: i can't hear you well... who's this again?!

me: it's marc! is there anything wrong there? what's the loud noise? is everyone ok?

brother's wife: uy! kmusta?! we're having a PARTY!


see. i need not worry for my family. when civil liberties have been suspended, when anyone can be jailed for anything, when the president is the almighty, my family knows how to handle the stress. they party.

now i know why i am a bit crazy. it's in the genes.



(happy bday lolo jose! i know you're enjoying your own party there in heaven!)


image from AP via bbc.

listening to:
i like you to be still by pablo neruda as read by glenn close

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:57 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Monday, February 27, 2006

geeks are sissies

"life is not for sissies."

so said larry mcurtry, co-writer of the oscar-nominated screenplay of brokeback mountain, when asked about the message of his film.

i could not help but to think that the message was aimed at me. out of sheer sissiness, my so-called relationships usually only have a shelf-life of three months, tops. either i say good bye or the guy's pissed off with my vacillations about committing or not.

i am such a sissy, let me count the ways:

the first week is the best, cuddly-cutesy-lovey-dovey best.

then fourteen days into the relationship i feel my skin rashes coming out.

four weeks and my social skills go on a downhill.

by the sixth week, i am paranoid: "why me? why him? why now?" at the same time forgetting where i placed my car keys everyday on my way to work. what's worse is that i don't even own a car.

by the eighth week, it's over.

and if it ever reaches beyond the eighth week itch, i know how it works already: i would refuse to meet his friends or go home at 6 in the morning or be late for a date.

make me spell committment in a spelling bee and i will make that score.

but living it? that's the hardest part.

(hey! did i hear someone said "boo"?)



listening to: alexie's radio playing vivaldi

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 9:11 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

brokeback mountain opens in brussels


brokeback mountain opened in brussels today.

and this boy just came back from the cinema with the girls. we were surprised that the house was full. oh yeah, belgium is gay-friendly.

inside, there was a hush during the scene where ennis finds his bloodied shirt at dead jack's cabinet. and when alma sees the two cowboys kissing, i thought i heard someone gasp.

ah, my heart is still missing a beat. it is sad. sad. sad.

i'll watch it once more this friday. this time with feelings. and a box of tissue.

(picture outside the UGC cinema at de brouckere. where's the long queue you ask? hey, it's too damn cold to fall in line! everyone's jampacked inside the building!)


listening to: my heart still missing a beat...

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:26 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

a moment of prayer...



the beauty of this landscape is marred by the tragedy that occured last week.

a whole village wiped out... more than a thousand people missing...

let us offer a moment of prayer for the people of Guinsaugon on Leyte island...

more info about the landslide disaster in the philippines can be viewed here and here.

please offer your donations to your local charity groups who might be interested to send help.




.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:55 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

antwerp grote markt


i have been playing around with my camera these past few months, taking snapshots of whatever catches my fancy in and outside brussels. this image was taken at antwerp's grote markt (grand market) where the statue of the brabo by jeff lambeaux stands. it tells the story of a roman soldier (silvius brabo) who killed a terrible giant (druoon antigoon), chopped the giant's hand, and threw it in the scheldt river. people say that the name of the city came from this story of hand-throwing, hand (as in your hands) and werpen (to throw). cool.

i just think that there is something swishy about the statue. and when i took the picture, i did not notice the cat on the roof.



listening to: paolo santos' swept away

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:56 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

i just had to be at the door

i fear to walk that street again.

and to read the name.

and to be at the door.

i fear to discover that i still want to see

the books, the teddy by the window,

to be inside that door.

still i went, read the name,

and stared at fear in the face.

but i only saw myself and no one else

standing by the door. though

i am glad i did it because now i know.

not anymore. no never again

to be at nor inside that door.



thank you candy :)
listening to: myself yawn

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:46 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Friday, February 17, 2006

i stick out like a gold fish

"you seem more red now, or even browner, than other asians in class."

it was alice, in her very little but sweet voice, wondering why my skin color has been turning darker compared to our other asian classmates even now that it is winter. funny that she noticed because yes, although it is still winter here in europe, i think i am getting a little bit darker than the usual tones of yellow in autumn. oh, how i love it! i stick out like a gold fish bobbing on a white sea in the metro every morning.


i wonder though that depending on the season, some of the people whom i have met here in brussels last year have mistaken me to be either mexican (in winter), indonesian (in spring), japanese (in summer) or thai (in autumn). there was only one guy who got it right after three guesses. we met in a dark and stuffy bar here in the city two weeks ago, did what people do in dark and stuffy bars, and before asking whether i have a boyfriend as well as my number, he asked whether i was...

"...francais?"

"non" was my reply.

"...nederlaands?"

"nee" wrong again.

"...filipino?"

"anak-ng-tipaklong!" (son-of-a-grasshopper!)

he got a nice kiss from me for that one.

oh by the way, he's spanish, which of course i couldn't have guessed right anyway.




listening to: nothing

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:02 PM 2 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

date night...

...was spent watching this film over here.

all the while i wished i wasn't with him as i watched him in the film and dreamt of him in another.

i chilled out with the girls later that night, having a beer at a bar infront of this brussels landmark.

then the night was over. i survived another v'day.

what's the latest body count?




listening to: the morning rain.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:59 AM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Monday, February 13, 2006

pop a bottle for me!

wherever you are, please share with me three reasons to pop a bottle of champagne tonight!

a book article
and two journal articles published!

yeheey! oh sh*t, does this means i'm now a certified geek?

as emmett from queer as folk said,

"Let us not sulk in despair or downfalls because they are many, but celebrate moments of happiness, beauty and triumph because they are few!"
>>thanks for the quote, dear sherwin!

have a good night/good day, everyone!


listening to: sade's cherish the day

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:39 PM 2 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

this one's for froggy

last month, i was in antwerp to catch up with two friends whom i haven't seen in a long time. we were walking around the city, talking about life, helmut lotti, and the prospect of new jobs, when i saw this cute couple sitting by the street. they were oblivious to the crowd and to the winter chill.

i snapped my camera, smiled to myself and said,

"this one's for froggy."







listening to: the hum of bus 59.

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:16 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

back to school (my last semester!)


i only had a 3-day holiday after a grueling month of exams!

and now it's back to school again. or in my case, it's back to sleeping and vegetating.

thanks phd comics for capturing my state of mind.




listening to: arsenal

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 8:13 AM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

switching it ON, then OFF again ***

yeah, i have been playing with the comments button.

kasi, he came over to make basa my sulat na so long ago pa written. last august pa ata. sobrang tagal na.

haler.

and then, that kupal read something na hindi nya nagustuhan. tapos nagsulat ba naman ng comment.

can't blame him though. we are guilty as charged.

summary: hindi ko nagustuhan ang sinulat nya tungkol sa sinulat ko tungkol sa ginawa nya sa akin noong kami pa. harmless naman po sinulat ko pero naapektuhan ang baklush!

kaya walang comments muna. or forever na siguro.

cynthia ang kupal na to?! cynthia pa eh di si haler ever!

hihihi. may tama pa sa akin. still reading me after all this time (yan ang sabi ng sitemeter ko).

o kaya pa? you 'queen' you (thanks cands!)


***excusez-moi, it's seldom i gayspeak in my own language. i can't help it today. i was just explaining why i turned off the comments button. you guys can always email me your thoughts.

i know i give the best kiss and hugs in town, so why hate me?

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 7:43 PM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

bumming again...

...kasi birthday ni ate lea.
(happy bday mudra! ang ganda mo ever!)

ang sarap ng niluto kong kare-kare.
promise.
kapag nakain mo yun you'd ask for my hand.

pero hindi ko give, no.
here's my feet na lang.

bagong pedicure yan.


this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 11:50 PM 0 comments if you can't live with it, he can.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

choices, choices

an offer to do a phd has been put forward.

now, i rack my brains again and again as i weigh my options.

deep down i want to do it. but is it for me?

so what now?

let me vacillate for the meantime as i usually do. that's what i'm good at.




images from phd comics.
state of mind: comsi, comsa
listening to: 45 dip's man & woman

this is marc's version of the truth, sometime at 10:54 AM 1 comments if you can't live with it, he can.